1
00:00:19,945 --> 00:00:22,345
Everybody, let's go!
2
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:25,390
Anybody not in the car
in two minutes going to be left!
3
00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,101
Looks like someone's looking
forward to this vacation.
4
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:30,562
Baby, I need it--
I feel more relaxed
right now.
5
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:31,772
A minute, 40!
6
00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:35,284
A minute, 40...!
7
00:00:36,895 --> 00:00:39,321
Okay, okay, we heard you,
and you don't need to yell.
8
00:00:39,397 --> 00:00:41,448
Well, I do have to yell.
You ain't in the car yet.
9
00:00:41,525 --> 00:00:43,867
Let's go! Come on!
I'm bringing
my Nitwit Doll.
10
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:44,918
Well, she can go. She's walking.
11
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:46,036
Long as she ain't got
to stop and pee,
12
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,704
and the same goes for you.
13
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,923
Jordan! I'm going to
leave instructions
on the table now.
14
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,209
Let's go!
15
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:55,462
Dang, boy, did you
pack all your clothes?
16
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:56,671
Yeah.
17
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,131
It's his first vacation.
18
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,332
Everybody's excited.
19
00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:00,684
Did everyone pack
their bathing suits?
20
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,095
No.
21
00:01:03,171 --> 00:01:04,387
Well, it's too late.
Time's wasting.
22
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,014
If you don't have
what you don't have,
23
00:01:06,091 --> 00:01:07,532
you ain't got what
you ain't got.
24
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,184
Come on, let's go, let's
go! Come on, baby girl.
25
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,320
Come on, come on,
baby, come on.
We'll buy you one.
26
00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:13,572
Shoot. Now get on it.
27
00:01:13,649 --> 00:01:15,982
Come on, son,
push it up in there.
28
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:19,778
America, family vacation
is a beautiful thing.
29
00:01:19,855 --> 00:01:21,238
You see this bookmark?
30
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:23,698
It took me three months
to get this far,
31
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,210
and that's not because
Bernie Mac's a slow reader.
32
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,453
It's because I'm so damn busy.
33
00:01:28,530 --> 00:01:31,581
If I'm not on the road,
I got these kids to worry about,
34
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,417
but I'm not going to worry about
them for the next three days.
35
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:38,088
You know why? Because me
and my baby Wanda got a plan.
36
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:40,590
See, we're going to take turns
watching the kids,
37
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,260
and see, there are three days,
and Bernie Mac's day
38
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:46,096
is in the middle,
smack in the center.
39
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,389
Check it out.
40
00:01:47,465 --> 00:01:50,609
First day.
That's my day.
41
00:01:50,686 --> 00:01:53,362
This is the kid's day.
42
00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,199
Look at this:
you get a facial,
43
00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:08,451
manicure, pedicure,
seaweed wrap
44
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:10,754
and an aromatherapy massage.
45
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:11,880
I'm doing that.
46
00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,507
What you need
a massage for?
47
00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,917
Eating free food and
not paying for nothing
make you tense?
48
00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,294
Aunt Wanda...
Look at this.
49
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,263
I don't see five chairs
together anywhere.
50
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,840
Excuse me.
51
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:23,016
We're a family of five...
52
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:24,217
Baby, don't...
53
00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:25,619
...and we need
chairs together.
54
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,604
Yes, ma'am, a lot of
families have that problem,
55
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,472
but it's first
come, first served.
56
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:32,818
Baby, baby, don't worry about
getting no chair for me.
57
00:02:32,895 --> 00:02:35,312
I-I'll sit right there.
58
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:38,481
Better yet,
I'll sit over there.
59
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,868
Bye, children.
60
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,830
Marco.
61
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,239
Get away from me, boy.
62
00:02:46,316 --> 00:02:47,949
Uncle Bernie,
you're supposed to say "Polo."
63
00:02:48,026 --> 00:02:49,159
Get away from me, boy.
64
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:50,627
A Gecko monarchis!
65
00:02:51,988 --> 00:02:53,105
Watch your mouth, boy.
66
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,299
No, a gecko,
native of Southeast Asia.
67
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:57,000
Uncle Bernie, you've got
to help me catch it.
68
00:02:57,077 --> 00:03:01,805
All right. Start running.
I'll catch up with you later.
69
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,559
Uncle Bernie,
70
00:03:14,636 --> 00:03:17,145
it doesn't float unless
it has air in it.
71
00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:19,397
Baby girl,
why don't you go sit
72
00:03:19,474 --> 00:03:22,400
on the other side of the pool
and watch me read?
73
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,531
If I blow that up,
you promise to float over there
74
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,700
and tell Aunt Wanda
it's her day to watch you all?
75
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:31,868
All right.
76
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,670
All right, come on,
take it off.
77
00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,882
Okay.
78
00:03:52,257 --> 00:03:54,566
Is there a hole in it?
79
00:04:03,018 --> 00:04:04,317
Um, my friends and I
80
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,194
want to go rock climbing,
so can you take us?
81
00:04:06,271 --> 00:04:07,370
No.
82
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,030
But you haven't
even heard me.
83
00:04:09,107 --> 00:04:10,374
Nessa, what you're
about to ask me--
84
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,325
does it involve me
getting out of this chair?
85
00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:14,035
Yeah, but only because...
86
00:04:14,112 --> 00:04:16,913
No, no. This
is my off day, Nessa.
87
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,383
This is my off day.
88
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,751
Well, what about your aunt?
89
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,888
No, I-I think she wants to stay
in the pool area.
90
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,381
Chairs?
Yeah.
91
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,800
Well, I'll see you later,
Vanessa.
92
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,978
Great vacation.
93
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:34,055
Nessa...
94
00:04:34,132 --> 00:04:35,098
you've got a pool
95
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,699
and a room full of videos.
96
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,060
There are a million things you
can do that don't involve me.
97
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,603
Let me ask you
a question:
98
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,357
Why in the heck would I go
rock climbing on my vacation?
99
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:47,452
You know who does that?
Billy goats.
100
00:04:49,397 --> 00:04:50,780
Baa-aa-aah.
101
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,916
Hey, hey...
Honey, we need
to put the book
102
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,075
on the chair to claim it.
103
00:04:54,152 --> 00:04:55,160
I'm reading it.
104
00:04:55,236 --> 00:04:57,787
Okay, fine,
give me your shirt.
105
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,621
What?
106
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,290
Fine. I will take this one
107
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,291
over to the other one.
108
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:02,792
Two more, and we got five.
109
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,052
(phone rings)
110
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,338
Yeah, Mac, baby, talk to me.
111
00:05:06,414 --> 00:05:07,672
Big fella!
112
00:05:07,749 --> 00:05:09,632
Man, I hear a lot of commotion.
113
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,509
Yo, man,
we at the Bellagio, man.
114
00:05:11,586 --> 00:05:12,635
Hey, check it out, man.
115
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,304
What crap table
is our lucky one, man?
116
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:15,514
I said seven,
117
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:16,815
Dewey talking about six, man,
118
00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:17,974
and Kelly's drunk, dawg.
119
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,476
You all in Vegas?
120
00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:20,885
When did you all
decide to do that?
121
00:05:20,963 --> 00:05:25,357
About 96 minutes ago, man.
A record, dawg.
122
00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:27,192
Hey, hey, what happened,
what happened?
123
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:30,528
Your boy Jerry
just won big money, man.
124
00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:33,865
Now I guess we got us
a new lucky craps table, baby.
125
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,208
Is Jerry there?
126
00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:36,460
Yeah, Big Papa, Big Papa?
127
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,462
I love this place,
and I love your friends,
128
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,330
and I love this woman
standing next to me.
129
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:41,623
Her name is Simone;
she's Persian,
130
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,041
but she doesn't like hummus.
131
00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:44,167
How do you like that?
132
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,418
Oh, yeah, and Bernie,
and Bernie?
133
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:46,595
Uh, I think she wants it.
134
00:05:46,671 --> 00:05:48,129
Oh, man, I've got to go, man.
135
00:05:48,206 --> 00:05:50,673
I'm on vacation with my family.
136
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,936
Bothering me on my vacation,
ruining my peace.
137
00:06:02,938 --> 00:06:05,822
Bothering me on vacation.
138
00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,534
Cannonball!
139
00:06:16,359 --> 00:06:21,671
♪ ♪
140
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:28,770
Hi, baby.
141
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,423
Mm, honey, I'm tired.
142
00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:35,468
Oh, the kids, the
sun, the chairs.
143
00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:37,846
Give me one hour.
144
00:06:37,922 --> 00:06:40,140
Baby, an hour?
145
00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:43,268
Mm-hmm. Let me get an hour.
146
00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:45,904
(music stops)
147
00:06:52,604 --> 00:06:54,320
America, I'm trying
to do the right thing.
148
00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:56,573
I'm trying, but the devil's
in my ear.
149
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,033
Man, get the punk
out your pants.
150
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:00,777
You need to go ahead
to Vegas.
151
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,954
Look at Wanda-- she's starting
to drool with that sleep breath.
152
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,539
Hey, you be cool
with that, devil.
153
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,499
Who you talking to?
154
00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,418
You say what they want,
but can't.
155
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,336
I say what you think, but won't.
156
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:11,888
You deserve Vegas.
157
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,715
It's supposed to be
your doggone day,
158
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:15,425
and look what she did
to you, chump.
159
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,844
She draw you down here.
The kids bother you.
160
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,804
You got all wet, and now
no love, and she told...
161
00:07:19,881 --> 00:07:22,515
Anyway, you'd be doing her
a favor by leaving her alone.
162
00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,225
She's the one
that should be grateful.
163
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,435
I'm doing her a favor?
164
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,711
You're damn right.
165
00:07:26,788 --> 00:07:28,488
How am I going
to get there?
166
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:31,232
I'll hook you up.
167
00:07:31,309 --> 00:07:33,118
Oh, yeah.
168
00:07:34,229 --> 00:07:37,780
My man. He good people.
169
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:40,959
♪♪
170
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,747
(all talking)
171
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,466
(cheering)
172
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,136
Come on!
173
00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:53,221
(cheering)
174
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:56,382
You want your fortune told?
175
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:57,726
You want your fortune told?
176
00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,478
Who want your fortune told?
177
00:08:02,131 --> 00:08:04,065
(machine beeping)
178
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,312
You know what?
179
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,773
I should start giving lessons.
180
00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:14,784
♪♪
181
00:08:16,154 --> 00:08:19,998
♪ Your a million miles
from reality ♪
182
00:08:20,075 --> 00:08:22,959
♪ You can be whatcha
you wanna be ♪
183
00:08:27,031 --> 00:08:29,249
Morning, baby.
184
00:08:29,325 --> 00:08:31,543
Hey, morning, baby.
185
00:08:31,619 --> 00:08:33,545
I ordered
your breakfast for you.
186
00:08:33,621 --> 00:08:37,549
I got French toast,
scrambled eggs, Canadian bacon,
187
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:39,017
just the way you like it.
188
00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:42,220
Oh, baby, thank you.
Any orange juice?
189
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:44,648
Freshly squeezed.
190
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,475
See that, America?
Bernie Mac is slick.
191
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,727
I had my day, got my gamble on,
192
00:08:49,804 --> 00:08:51,813
and took in a show
and won some pocket change.
193
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,031
Caught the first flight back,
194
00:08:53,108 --> 00:08:56,192
and now I got
some fresh squeezed juice.
195
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,736
M...oney!
196
00:08:58,813 --> 00:09:01,414
Hey, baby, this is great.
197
00:09:01,491 --> 00:09:04,826
What the heck, baby,
you been to Vegas?
198
00:09:04,902 --> 00:09:06,411
That fell out of your pocket,
199
00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:08,746
and before you say
anything else,
200
00:09:08,823 --> 00:09:11,550
I got your boarding pass
right here.
201
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,547
Damn, Wanda, you
had to turn Colombo.
202
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,007
Baby, look, I was bored.
203
00:09:19,083 --> 00:09:20,392
I-I'm back now, so
what's the problem?
204
00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:21,718
You don't see
205
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,052
what the problem is
in going to Vegas?
206
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,723
All right, Wanda, look, look,
you was asleep.
207
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,558
I couldn't read.
The light bothered you.
208
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,726
If I turned the television on,
209
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,769
the-the noise
would've woke you.
210
00:09:31,846 --> 00:09:35,189
See? I was being considerate.
211
00:09:35,266 --> 00:09:40,078
So... I'm supposed to be
grateful that you went to Vegas?
212
00:09:41,439 --> 00:09:43,206
In a perfect world, yeah.
213
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,659
Come on, Wa-Wa-Wa...
What if one of the kids
214
00:09:46,736 --> 00:09:49,254
would have woke up in the middle
of the night sick?
215
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,256
You was here.
216
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:59,472
Woman, why you have to make
stuff up?
217
00:09:59,549 --> 00:10:01,424
No kid got sick last night.
218
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,727
See, America, she's determined
to be upset.
219
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,345
Now, I'm not going to give her
a reason.
220
00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:07,597
I'm not going to let her put me
in the trick bag,
221
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,733
I tell you like it T-I-S
right now.
222
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,735
I'm going to live up
to the end of my bargain,
223
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:14,228
spend my day with the kids,
and then tomorrow,
224
00:10:14,305 --> 00:10:18,700
I get another day.
Show you, right? Right, right?
225
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,623
That's some bull.
That ain't fresh.
226
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,372
Come on, hurry up,
look under there.
227
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,706
You see anything?
228
00:10:33,783 --> 00:10:35,425
No, but we're getting closer.
229
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,502
Gecko poop,
and it's fresh!
230
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,004
Oh, that's foul.
231
00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:42,932
Look, let's go check
in those rocks over there.
232
00:10:44,419 --> 00:10:46,094
Oh.
233
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,429
Don't put your hand
in your mouth, Jordan!
234
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,273
(phone rings)
235
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,600
Yo, this is Mac.
236
00:10:52,677 --> 00:10:54,435
What?
237
00:10:54,512 --> 00:10:55,645
Look, man, I told you.
238
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,864
Don't come talking
to me about no Vegas.
239
00:10:58,933 --> 00:11:01,067
In the suite?
240
00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:03,236
Tonight?
241
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:05,947
I told you, I can't.
242
00:11:06,023 --> 00:11:08,083
I'm chasing lizards.
243
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,704
America, if you'd have told me
24 hours ago
244
00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:15,248
that I'd be chasing lizards
with that boy,
245
00:11:15,324 --> 00:11:18,126
I'd have called you
ten different kinds of fool.
246
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,253
But if entertaining
the boy's odd obsessions
247
00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:22,922
is how he wants to spend his day
with his Uncle Bernie,
248
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,757
then that's what we'll do.
249
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:27,427
And tomorrow, I have a vacation,
250
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:30,063
and hallelujah and yahoo.
251
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,348
And all to the lizards,
here I come.
252
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,933
Here I come.
253
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:35,476
BRYANA:
Uncle Bernie!
Uncle Bernie!
254
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,354
Toss me in the pool!
255
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,982
I'll toss you, all right.
256
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,400
Excuse me, America.
257
00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:44,953
Come on!
258
00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,449
Uh, no you don't.
259
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:50,658
That's my seat.
260
00:11:50,735 --> 00:11:52,702
Oh. I was moving it over
261
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,454
because I'm
on a family vacation,
262
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:55,621
and there's five of us.
263
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:56,622
I only see one of you.
264
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:57,966
My book, please.
265
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:00,960
The woman from Memphis?
266
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,971
She's really
the town doctor's daughter.
267
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:05,256
She committed the murder,
and he helps her cover it up
268
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,633
because he feels guilty
about his family
269
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:09,602
in Bloomfield Hills.
270
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,439
It's a very easy read.
271
00:12:13,549 --> 00:12:15,308
BERNIE:
54,
272
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:16,735
55, 56,
273
00:12:16,811 --> 00:12:18,778
57...
274
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:20,196
100.
That's not how
275
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,606
you count to 100.
276
00:12:21,682 --> 00:12:22,774
You want to see me count to 100?
277
00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:24,233
Let me hold you underwater.
278
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,234
What?
279
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,069
Nothing.
280
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,496
(sighs)
281
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,159
What does she have
that attitude for?
282
00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:34,994
Like what I'm doing
don't mean nothing.
283
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,255
I'll show her how I can run
those doggone kids ragged.
284
00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:38,831
Yes, sir.
285
00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:40,508
And then she'll stop looking
at me like that.
286
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:41,959
(soft chuckle)
287
00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:43,920
Like... I don't know
what I'm doing.
288
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,880
You know, she...
289
00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:48,341
That's how she looks at me.
290
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,676
Bottom row.
291
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,896
(chuckles):
Women.
292
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:55,648
Aunt Wanda,
293
00:12:55,725 --> 00:12:57,517
can I take scuba
diving lessons?
294
00:12:57,593 --> 00:12:58,976
Scuba diving?
295
00:12:59,053 --> 00:13:01,020
Oh, honey,
that sounds dangerous.
296
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:03,022
Ain't no dangerous
about it.
297
00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:05,525
If that what Nessa want
to do on her vacation,
298
00:13:05,601 --> 00:13:06,951
well, scuba diving we will go.
299
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,030
You're going scuba diving?
300
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,208
Like Jacques Cousteau, baby.
301
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,420
And this is
how you put on
your scuba vest.
302
00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:21,374
You try it.
303
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,252
Okay.
304
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,254
Oh.
305
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,797
(loud grunt)
306
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,600
(mumbling underwater)
307
00:13:31,752 --> 00:13:33,386
Oops.
308
00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:34,512
That was me.
309
00:13:34,589 --> 00:13:35,680
I caused that.
310
00:13:35,756 --> 00:13:36,848
Yes, sir.
311
00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:38,516
I'm a little devil, ain't I?
312
00:13:38,593 --> 00:13:40,351
(laughs)
313
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,687
A black devil.
314
00:13:42,763 --> 00:13:44,948
There's a difference.
315
00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:00,997
Here it is.
316
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:02,415
This is it.
317
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:04,584
What is it?
318
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,970
Mister Hairy's about to go.
319
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,963
We're about to get
our fifth chair.
320
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,549
The chair's all the way
over there, baby.
321
00:14:11,626 --> 00:14:13,759
Let me break it down.
322
00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:15,854
Joe College over there--
323
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,430
he's checking
out every girl
at the pool.
324
00:14:17,506 --> 00:14:18,931
BERNIE:
Oh.
325
00:14:19,008 --> 00:14:20,766
WANDA:
Those two are
three seats apart,
326
00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:23,436
but they're
really a couple.
327
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:24,279
So watch.
328
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,619
That's it. That's
our fifth seat.
329
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,746
We finally get to sit
together as a family.
330
00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:42,914
All right.
331
00:14:42,990 --> 00:14:44,415
I'm sorry,
but the pool is closing.
332
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:46,250
I'm going
to need the chair cushions.
333
00:14:46,327 --> 00:14:48,461
No! No!
334
00:14:48,537 --> 00:14:50,054
Baby, let it go.
335
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,766
Oh, look.
336
00:14:53,843 --> 00:14:55,760
Oh! You done
tore the lizard's
tail off of him.
337
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,511
No, it's a defense mechanism.
338
00:14:57,588 --> 00:14:58,638
It'll grow back.
339
00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,056
And if we put this one on ice,
340
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,433
it'll still be twitching
when we get home.
341
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,643
Here.
342
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:05,653
Ow!
343
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:07,939
Ow!
344
00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,908
So far today,
I had a scuba tank,
345
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:13,286
a bag of ice,
and a lizard tail on my head.
346
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:16,122
Bernie Mac is a good husband.
347
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:21,827
America?
348
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,421
Come get this thing.
349
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:26,049
(foot stepping)
350
00:15:32,039 --> 00:15:32,931
All right.
The kids all out cold.
351
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:34,757
And do you know why, ma'am, huh?
352
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,217
You know why?
353
00:15:36,293 --> 00:15:38,052
'Cause they spent the whole day
with Uncle Bernie,
354
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:39,262
just the way you wanted it.
355
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:40,563
Just the way
I wanted it?
356
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,889
That's right.
357
00:15:41,966 --> 00:15:43,808
And I still got enough energy
left for you, baby.
358
00:15:43,884 --> 00:15:44,934
Okay, let me get
this straight.
359
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,018
Get it straight.
360
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,728
You want credit
for playing
361
00:15:47,805 --> 00:15:49,072
with your nieces
and nephew
362
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:50,398
on a family vacation?
363
00:15:50,474 --> 00:15:52,149
Yeah.
364
00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:54,860
Matter of fact, I want extra.
365
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,862
Let me tell you something, baby.
366
00:15:56,939 --> 00:15:59,031
I could be in Vegas tonight.
367
00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:01,283
If I wanted
to hit the airport right now,
368
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,087
I'd be there in time
to start my free day.
369
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,714
But instead, I passed,
just to be with you.
370
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,082
Oh.
( laughs)
371
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:09,959
You passed up drinking
and smoking
372
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,836
to spend time with your wife?
373
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:12,971
Uh-huh.
374
00:16:13,047 --> 00:16:14,222
Well,
375
00:16:14,298 --> 00:16:15,673
I'm not impressed.
376
00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:17,425
If you want to impress me,
377
00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:20,478
you come to Wild Animal Park
with us tomorrow.
378
00:16:20,555 --> 00:16:21,721
What?
379
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:22,605
On my off day?
380
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,098
Woman, you crazy.
381
00:16:24,175 --> 00:16:26,392
You know, the time
we spent together--
382
00:16:26,469 --> 00:16:28,728
you may as well just have stayed
in Vegas.
383
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:30,730
Why don't you...
384
00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:32,824
go?
385
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:39,122
Don't play with me, baby.
386
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,781
'Cause you know I will, I'll go.
387
00:16:40,858 --> 00:16:42,533
Go.
388
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,127
Fine.
389
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,661
I wish I was like
I Dream of Jeannie,
390
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,879
blink and be there.
391
00:16:46,956 --> 00:16:48,289
And I wish I
was Bewitched,
392
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,550
and wiggle my nose
and send you there.
393
00:16:52,962 --> 00:16:54,170
You see that, America?
394
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,255
She was about
to change things up on me
395
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,340
after I did everything
I was supposed to do.
396
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:00,176
And then she's going
to dare me to go?
397
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:02,636
Well, I got another
free day coming.
398
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,638
And she's not going
to mess with it.
399
00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:06,640
'Cause Bernie Mac's
not having it.
400
00:17:06,717 --> 00:17:07,650
Not at all.
401
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,651
Yeah.
402
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:09,652
Back to you.
403
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,822
♪ ♪
404
00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:16,108
Hey, come
on now.
405
00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:17,318
Come on now.
406
00:17:17,394 --> 00:17:19,028
Put 'em in,
put 'em in.
407
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,112
Hmm.
408
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:21,380
(chuckles softly)
409
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:22,615
What's that supposed
to be, Sugar?
410
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,867
Your manager wanted me
to bet that.
411
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,202
What?
(laughter)
412
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,870
Cupid got Jerry Best, brother.
413
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,047
Check it out.
414
00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:30,498
What is it?
415
00:17:30,574 --> 00:17:32,166
Hey, man, that was this morning.
416
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,667
(laughter)
417
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:34,668
What?!
418
00:17:34,745 --> 00:17:36,253
(laughter)
Where's Jerry at now?
419
00:17:36,330 --> 00:17:38,756
On his way to Mexico
to get it annulled.
420
00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:40,925
(laughter)
421
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,552
It's best he going to end it
early, 'cause I'm telling you,
422
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,221
dealing with a woman
is hard work.
423
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,223
Wanda almost messed up
my whole vacation, man.
424
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,191
Why didn't you take her
to the spa?
425
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:49,299
Where you
staying at?
426
00:17:49,377 --> 00:17:50,893
Mandalay Bay,
Circus Circus?
427
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:54,021
Um, I'm staying in San Diego.
428
00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:56,232
(laughter)
429
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,483
San Diego?
430
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,485
Wasn't... Wasn't you here
last night?
431
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:00,653
I was.
432
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:03,280
It was her day
to watch the kids, you know.
433
00:18:03,357 --> 00:18:04,365
I guess
once your kids get grown,
434
00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:05,449
they don't need two parents.
435
00:18:05,526 --> 00:18:06,909
KELLY:
No, no, no, Sugar.
436
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,160
His kids
ain't grown.
437
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:09,420
Vanessa's 14.
Right, 14.
438
00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,122
The boy's about 11,
and how old is Baby Girl?
439
00:18:11,198 --> 00:18:13,082
Uh, six, seven.
440
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,208
She's seven.
441
00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:15,426
And the boy's got asthma.
442
00:18:15,503 --> 00:18:17,336
It ain't important
what the boy got, Chuy.
443
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,213
Man, I wish I could tell my wife
I'm going
444
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,506
to leave the state
to go gamble,
445
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,966
while she watched the kids.
446
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,217
Man, there'll be a new champ.
447
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,802
Look, Sugar,
you got it all wrong.
448
00:18:24,879 --> 00:18:26,512
See, my wife
and I made an arrangement.
449
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:28,973
And I did my part taking care
of the kids for a day.
450
00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:30,432
You know?
So why would I bring
451
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,226
the kids on my vacation
just to ruin it?
452
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,519
They tried to take me
453
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,229
to some old
Wild Animal Park, man.
454
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,239
I-I ain't having that.
455
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:37,648
Chuy, you're
married. You know.
456
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:38,615
Tell-Tell them.
457
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,808
You know about
arrangements.
458
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,485
Yeah, but those arrangements
never work out.
459
00:18:41,562 --> 00:18:43,445
I mean, if one
of those kids gets sick,
460
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,822
it don't matter whose day it is.
461
00:18:44,899 --> 00:18:45,973
Mm-hmm.
462
00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:47,449
Yeah, you got
to do it together, man.
463
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,336
Oh, come on, man,
let's play some cards.
464
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,497
You ever get the feeling
465
00:18:53,574 --> 00:18:57,001
you went to Vegas too many times
in a weekend?
466
00:18:57,077 --> 00:18:58,460
Look at this.
467
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,005
You don't need to see it.
468
00:19:01,081 --> 00:19:03,850
(phone rings)
469
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:14,861
Hello?
470
00:19:16,347 --> 00:19:19,657
Bernie, where are you?
471
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,659
What?
472
00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:29,709
♪♪
473
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,295
Okay.
474
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,954
I'll be down.
475
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:36,424
♪♪
476
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,006
Oh, thanks, baby.
477
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,674
How was Vegas?
478
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,909
I left early
479
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,887
'cause I wanted
to get these chairs for you.
480
00:19:49,964 --> 00:19:51,680
You want
some company?
481
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,184
You bet.
482
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:56,518
Did you win big?
483
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:58,020
Not like I'm
winning now.
484
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,188
Yeah...
485
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,856
I'm sorry,
but the pool doesn't open
486
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:01,824
for another 20 minutes.
487
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,108
Is that right?
488
00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:04,610
Well, listen,
489
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,904
why don't you
pretend like
490
00:20:06,981 --> 00:20:09,031
you're not here?
491
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,032
Better yet,
492
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,377
get us some
cushions.
493
00:20:14,488 --> 00:20:16,205
Ooh, you must
have won big.
494
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,132
And it's getting bigger.
495
00:20:18,209 --> 00:20:19,508
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
496
00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:25,547
You got to do
it together.
497
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:26,599
See?
That's all
I'm saying.
498
00:20:26,676 --> 00:20:28,092
Yo, yo, man.
Yo, man, play the cards.
499
00:20:28,168 --> 00:20:29,718
Yeah, play
the cards, man.
Bam, nothing.
500
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,179
I got it, I got
it right there.
501
00:20:32,256 --> 00:20:33,472
Oh, oh!
502
00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,683
Oh, Lord!
Wow.
503
00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:38,018
It's a first!
The Mac!
504
00:20:38,095 --> 00:20:39,812
You ain't winning
this time.
505
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:43,482
Oh, you beat me like
De La Hoya beat you.
506
00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:44,984
(all laughing)
507
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,777
I mean, I mean...
Cut the camera off.
508
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:47,995
(all laughing)
509
00:20:51,608 --> 00:20:54,043
Captioned by VISUAL DATA